I was born to Muslim parents in southern Nigeria. This is quite unusual as the region is almost entirely Christian. When I was six, however, my parents converted to Christianity. From the moment I first read the Bible, I was captivated. I spent hours immersed in scripture and Christian magazines, fascinated by the stories and teachings.
As the years passed, though, I began to notice parts of the Bible that didn’t sit right with me. The questions these passages raised lingered, but I mostly brushed them aside since they didn’t shake my overall faith—at least not yet.
Everything changed when I got my first phone at age 11. Being a devout Christian, I used it mainly to read Christian websites and search for answers to my questions. But the answers I found were never satisfying. In the comments sections of these articles, I often came across harsh critics—atheists who ridiculed the content and pointed out more inconsistencies in the Bible.
At first I was confused, at that time I didn’t even know that it was possible not to believe in a god so I was shocked when I saw people mocking the idea of god in the comments. Overtime my confusion turned to anger, I despised the atheist trolls, and I was furious at their mockery.
Over time, my anger became curiosity. Their arguments frequently made more sense than the articles themselves so I began exploring atheist websites, reading their critiques and perspectives. For months, I dove deeper into this world of ideas, and I soon realized I that no longer believed in the Abrahamic God.
The atheist world view simply made more sense to me and answered my questions satisfactorily. For example it made no sense to me that an almighty God would inspire such an error filled book and threaten people with eternal damnation just for being the way he made them to be.
These weren’t the only reasons why I stopped believing but they were among the main ones. I also stopped praying, because it made little sense to talk to an omniscient being who, by definition, couldn’t be persuaded to change.
Coincidentally, around this time, my father also stopped going to church. I never got to ask him why—he passed away before I had the chance. But I consider myself fortunate that I was never forced to keep attending church and pretending to pray to a god I no longer believed in.
Over the years, I continued exploring religion, reading widely. The book that had the most profound effect on me was Atheism: The Case Against God by George H. Smith. It reshaped my thinking entirely. I moved beyond focusing on contradictions in holy books and began questioning the very concept of God. What does it even mean for a being to be “beyond space and time”? What is a “soul”? And how can Jesus be the “Son of God” in any meaningful way?
That book introduced me to Apatheism—the view that the existence or non-existence of gods is irrelevant to how we live and Ignosticism which holds that before you can even argue for or against God’s existence, you need a clear, testable, and meaningful concept of what “God” is—which most religious definitions fail to offer. Both concepts resonated deeply with me and I identify strongly with them.
Looking back, my journey has taken me from devout Christianity to militant atheism and finally to a more relaxed, apatheistic outlook. I’m content with where I stand now, but who knows? Beliefs evolve. I remain open to whatever new perspectives the future may bring.
By Jamila U. O.